In The Beginning…
On July 3, 1991 ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day’ was unleashed to the world. September 4, 2020 marks an equally important landmark: the premiere of Radiant Plumbing & Air Conditioning’s ‘The Toiletnator.’ Judgement Day amassed a monumental budget of $94–102 million, while Toiletnator made due with what, let’s just say, critics would describe as “modest funding.” Despite a massive gulf in resources and capital between the two projects, we believe we produced a worthy tribute to one of the former governor’s best films. Since the release of our action packed ad, no one has been able to deny the irresistible lure of the mother toilet’s glowing red eyes… except of course for Arnold Schwarzengger himself. Despite our best efforts to reach out to him, Arnold has not seen, nor reacted to our masterpiece. But the public has taken note.
Needless to say, our most recent commercial has made quite a splash, with critics calling it “a sci-fi masterpiece” and “deranged.” Our favorite piece came courtesy of The AV Club writing: “Radiant Plumbing & Air Conditioning is working on a level that transcends linear storytelling or easily-discernible themes.” After four short weeks, the commercial’s extended version has surpassed the 100K view count on Youtube, and it has been shared endlessly by hordes of rabid fans. They love toilet humor as much as we do and they want the world to know. But most importantly, they want Arnold to know. Over the last four weeks, Mr. Schwarzenegger’s publicist has been treated to ‘at tags’ and mentions well into the hundreds. As of yet, to no avail. But more on that later. First, let’s check some of the best comments.
And how does ‘The Toiletnator’ stack up against our other ads? In a recent poll to determine our greatest commercial of all time, Toiletnator crushed the competition by receiving 50% of the vote. It beat other classics like ‘Toilet ASMR’ and ‘Kung Poo: Iron Plunger’ as our followers overwhelmingly decided to crown Toiletnator as the G.O.A.T.
The Man Behind The Mother Toilet
The mastermind behind the cinematography is none other than Radiant’s in-house videographer and director, Jimmy Z. A longtime Arnold fan, Jimmy jumped at the chance to spearhead the dystopian epic that would become ‘The Toiletnator’ as soon as the idea came up in one of our weekly marketing team meetings. Jimmy’s dedication to ‘the Arnold’ runs so deep that his arm is adorned with a tattoo of a classic ‘Predator’ quote (albeit in morse code). Haters will say his tattoo says something completely different, but to them we say “You’ve just been erased.” Jimmy first laid eyes on Arnie at the world premiere of “The Last Stand” in Austin, TX — his big comeback. He got pretty close to the Terminator himself, but was unable to have a proper ‘meet and greet’ moment. That day he vowed to one day produce a masterpiece that would demand his attention, and in the Summer of 2020, he finally got the chance.
So Where Is Arnold?
Our imaginations have been running wild due to the lack of response from The Austrian Oak. What could he be up to? How could he have missed our desperate cries for acknowledgement? Well, turns out he’s actually been quite busy. Just last month, ‘Good Guy’ Arnold pledged $250K to help Texas build supercenter polling sites which will allow Texans to vote while maintaining a safe distance. And when he’s not Feeding His Pony & Donkey, And Telling Us To Stay Safe, he’s working on his upcoming film with Jackie Chan slated for release in November, 2020 entitled ‘Iron Mask.’ By all accounts, this movie will be “ridiculously wonderful.” Sound familiar? Maybe he has seen our commercial… If that’s what he’s going for, he won’t find any better inspiration than ‘The Toiletnator.’
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from our many failed attempts to contact Arnold, it’s that his iconic performances and legacy transcend even the man himself. We are all Arnold.